Do you ever wonder if your little child has a split personality? At school, she might clean up her toys, put on her shoes, and act entirely self-sufficient at potty time. Yet at home, she may whine whenever you ask her to pick up anything, insist you join her in the bathroom whenever she has to go, and demand that you spoon-feed her dinner.

While young children still need plenty of parental help, they actually are able to do more than many of their parents think. 

Expect more from your kids. At school the kids are expected to pour their own water, to throw away their trash, to clean up the toys — and they do, but then they'll walk out of the classroom and the thumb goes in the mouth and they climb into strollers. Raise the bar and your child will probably stretch to meet it.

Resist doing for her what she can do herself. While it may be quicker and easier to do it yourself, it won't help to make your child more self-sufficient. Quick hint: Appeal to their sense of pride, ask them: 'Do you want me to help you or can you do it yourself?' Those words are like magic as the kids always want to do it for themselves."

Don't redo what they've done. If your child makes her bed, resist the urge to smooth the blankets. If she dresses herself in stripes and polka dots, compliment her "eclectic" style. Unless absolutely necessary, don't fix what your child accomplishes, she will notice and it may discourage her.

Let your kid solve simple problems. If you see your child trying to assemble a toy or get a book from a shelf that she can reach if she stands on her steptool, pause before racing over to help provided that they are safe. Those moments when you don't rush in, you give children a moment to solve things for themselves. It's natural to want to make everything perfect, but if we do, we cheat kids of the chance to experience success.

Assign a simple chore. Putting your preschooler in charge of a regular, simple task will build her confidence and sense of competency. A child who is entrusted to water the plants or empty the clothes dryer is likely to believe she can also get dressed herself or pour her own cereal. Just be sure the chore you assign is manageable and that it's real work, not busywork, since even preschoolers know the difference. The goal is to make your child feel like a capable, contributing member of the family.

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